Narcissism

I have been told before that I can be a narcissist; I don’t think that it is necessarily untrue. It took me a long time, but I think I’ve decided that it’s not the worst thing I could be. Maybe I should rephrase this before explaining myself. I think that to a certain extent, all people need to be narcissistic at times in order to achieve their goals. I am not saying that you should be dick heads and degrade everyone, but I do think that people need more confidence in themselves in order to achieve those life goals that they have. I think it all starts with confidence. If you aren’t confident in yourself, how can you be confident with your work, love life, and everything else going on around you?

Let’s start small. If you aren’t confident when completing a job and others notice, people will spend more time checking your work. Something one of my mentors told me “if someone finds 1 mistake, they’ll look for more”. Long story short, don’t make any visible mistakes and deliver a good looking product. Naturally someone will question a document if the person handing it to them is visibly shaken. The first step to delivering a good product is confidence in the face of the customer. Don’t lie, be honest about what you have and where you went wrong or had some questions. I just started working with people who are many years ahead of me in knowledge and experience. I could choose to sit their quietly and give no input, but I am confident in my niche sect of the industry. You don’t have to be confident in every inch of yourself, you just have to start loving yourself one part at a time. Maybe it’s video games, your cooking skills, or that junk in the trunk, if you start allowing yourself to be confident in one area, I know that result will compound off of itself resulting in more confidence and love for yourself.

Now, let’s go a step further. Another characteristic of narcissistic personality disorder is the lack of guilt or shame when exploiting someone. Again, I’m not telling you to be an asshole, but you should know your self worth. Something that I have struggled with in the past is that I will do jobs below my skill level to “help out”. There’s not necessarily anything wrong with that, but all that time you spent “helping out”, that’s time you could have spent challenging yourself. There’s a large gray line that exists between Gandhi and a narcissist. If you give everything you have to others, then you will have nothing. That’s fine if that’s your dream, but that’s certainly not everybody’s dream. A narcissist will have no significant others in their life; they will lack any and all emotional ties that much of humanity clings to. In that gray space is where you should find yourself, at least for your career. You need to prioritize your own tasks and goals before helping others, not before. Even flight attendants know this. In the case of an emergency, you always but that inflatable bag over your face before you put it over your child’s.

The final step before crossing the line. Self entitlement can surely be an iffy one on this list; hence why it is the last trait before total narcissism. I will argue for it (to a degree) in respect to taking on jobs at work. I believe that self entitlement or fighting for the tough jobs and tasks that will challenge you is a good thing. You have to always be willing to take on the hard tasks if it will push you to grow your skill set and career. I don’t even think I need to say it, but don’t be a fucking asshole. Feeling entitled to people, things, gifts, drinks, etc. is bad. Don’t do that. Like I said above, challenge yourself; stick up for yourself and take on that task that might be a little over your head. Even if you flop, it’s experience, and after a harsh scolding like my mentors did, you won’t make those same mistakes next time. Your boss will consider you more capable now that they have shown you their way of how to do it.

If you aren’t pushing yourself to the limits every time, then you aren’t growing… you’re only maintaining. I owe it to myself to push myself to be better than I was yesterday. If I don’t, then I’m afraid I might slip back into that dark forest. In closing, another trait of a narcissist is seeking admiration; I’m not doing that, today at least. Instead I’ll give a little today. You are better than you think you are. You can do whatever you set your mind to if you give all of yourself to it. Don’t be afraid to take a chance; win or lose I know you’ll come out stronger. Don’t ever give up on yourself or your dreams, chase them until you achieve every single one and then add more! Keep pushing and fighting everyday to be the best you. You can do this. I believe in you.